There are numerous reasons why couples might seek out counseling, such as communication difficulties, frequent arguments, emotional distance, infidelity, sexual problems, PTSD, and many others.
Couples counseling, sometime also called couples therapy, helps couples to work through conflict more effectively and emotionally connect. This allows couples to talk to one another about their relational needs. These needs are often at the heart of the recurring conflict. The goal is not to eliminate conflict but to create more of a unified partnership. Their unified partnership will then be able to face life’s challenges. This results in deeper levels of intimacy.
External Stressors
External stressors play a role into leading couples to seek counseling. Couples often describe having a good relationship prior to a stressor. For these couples, stressors can point to weaknesses and vulnerabilities in their relationship. Couples counseling can help identify, repair, and strengthen these weaknesses and vulnerabilities.
Here are some examples of external stressors
- Transitions in a romantic relationship (i.e. casual dating to serious dating; serious dating to engaged, engaged to married)
- Any transition involving children such as birth, adoption, or blending families
- Miscarriage or still birth
- Job loss
- A partner or child receives a diagnosis of a physical or mental illness
- Job transitions such as loss of job or retirement (forced or freely chosen)
Couples counseling can help
Couples counseling starts by discussing goals and expectations for the relationship. The next step explores how the couple fights and makes up. The fight is how problems begin and continue to persist. When faced with stressful situations, we tend to cope in ways that are consistent. Problems occur when coping strategies upset the other partner. For example, when upset, John isolates helping him to feel better. Susan seeks connection when upset. Now imagine both Susan and John are struggling. John’s isolation will lead to more stress for Susan causing her to seek out connection with John. This further stresses John leasing him to further isolate. These clashing coping strategies drive the arguments couples bring into therapy. We refer to a way a couple fights by several names: negative cycle, demon dialogue, the dance, or your pattern. Some couples even come up with their own name. Your therapist will help you identify your unique cycle. You will learn new ways to do conflict and experience resolution.
Deepening the connection
After conflict resolution, a couple can learn to discuss their emotional needs. These conversations require vulnerability which can be difficult. Pushing through the difficulty can lead to partners showing up emotionally for one another in a new way. Couples learn to bring their hurts and fears to each other. They learn to receive hurts and fears from each other. These are the sacred moments of couples therapy in which one’s heart is fully seen and received.
There are numerous reasons why couples might seek out counseling, such as communication difficulties, frequent arguments, emotional distance, infidelity, sexual problems, PTSD, and many others.
Couples counseling, sometime also called couples therapy, helps couples to work through conflict more effectively and emotionally connect. This allows couples to talk to one another about their relational needs. These needs are often at the heart of the recurring conflict. The goal is not to eliminate conflict but to create more of a unified partnership. Their unified partnership will then be able to face life’s challenges. This results in deeper levels of intimacy.
External Stressors
External stressors play a role into leading couples to seek counseling. Couples often describe having a good relationship prior to a stressor. For these couples, stressors can point to weaknesses and vulnerabilities in their relationship. Couples counseling can help identify, repair, and strengthen these weaknesses and vulnerabilities.
Here are some examples of external stressors
- Transitions in a romantic relationship (i.e. casual dating to serious dating; serious dating to engaged, engaged to married)
- Any transition involving children such as birth, adoption, or blending families
- Miscarriage or still birth
- Job loss
- A partner or child receives a diagnosis of a physical or mental illness
- Job transitions such as loss of job or retirement (forced or freely chosen)
Couples counseling can help
Couples counseling starts by discussing goals and expectations for the relationship. The next step explores how the couple fights and makes up. The fight is how problems begin and continue to persist. When faced with stressful situations, we tend to cope in ways that are consistent. Problems occur when coping strategies upset the other partner. For example, when upset, John isolates helping him to feel better. Susan seeks connection when upset. Now imagine both Susan and John are struggling. John’s isolation will lead to more stress for Susan causing her to seek out connection with John. This further stresses John leasing him to further isolate. These clashing coping strategies drive the arguments couples bring into therapy. We refer to a way a couple fights by several names: negative cycle, demon dialogue, the dance, or your pattern. Some couples even come up with their own name. Your therapist will help you identify your unique cycle. You will learn new ways to do conflict and experience resolution.
Deepening the connection
After conflict resolution, a couple can learn to discuss their emotional needs. These conversations require vulnerability which can be difficult. Pushing through the difficulty can lead to partners showing up emotionally for one another in a new way. Couples learn to bring their hurts and fears to each other. They learn to receive hurts and fears from each other. These are the sacred moments of couples therapy in which one’s heart is fully seen and received.
