Couples seek counseling for a multitude of reasons, each having the potential to leave them feeling disconnected and isolated. Here are a few examples:
- Communication problems
- Life transitions such as having a child, career change, launching children, retirement
- Complications with pregnancy and childbirth
- Chronic physical or mental health problems
- Infidelity or other betrayals of trust
- Problems within their sexual relationship
All of the above challenges can leave a couple feeling disconnected and alone. This disconnection, when coupled with the existing stress brought on by these issues, creates even more distress for the couple.
Couples Counseling Can Help
Couples counseling, sometimes called couples therapy, helps couples resolve their disconnection. This disconnection can manifest in different ways, ranging from frequent arguments to a sense of emotional detachment between partners. The disconnection leaves couples with limited ability to solve their own problems. By resolving the disconnection, the unified couple will be equipped to face life challenges with a new-found sense of comradery. They will have the capacity to understand their own emotional experience and share their hurts and longings in a productive manner. The result is deeper levels of intimacy for both partners.
Starting Couples Counseling
Couples counseling is a collaborative process all the way through. It starts with discussing goals and expectations for the relationship and from counseling. Next, patterns of interaction leading to disconnection are discussed and highlighted. This pattern of interaction is often referred to as the negative cycle. The cycle is predictable and tends to play out in a similar manner regardless of the topic.
One way to understand the negative cycle is by examining how we cope with relational distress on an individual level. The most common cycle is a pursue-withdraw pattern. For example, John isolates when he sees that Susan is upset with him. This helps him to feel better, finding relief from his inner turmoil. Susan seeks connection when she is upset. If she sees John upset with her, she will want a rapid resolution. Now imagine both Susan and John being distraught. John will isolate, leading to more stress for Susan. She will then seek out John for resolution and subsequent connection. This further stresses John, leading him to isolate himself more. These clashing coping strategies exasperate the disconnection that leads couples into therapy.
More Intimacy in Your Relationship
As therapy progresses, you will begin to recognize and interrupt fights that occur within your relationship. You will find your own unique way as a couple to “reset” during moments of conflict. You will become comfortable talking about deeper vulnerable things. You will understand your own hurts and vulnerabilities. You will be better equipped to communicate these to your partner. You will better understand your own needs, hopes, and longings as well as better communicate them to your partner.
Results May Vary
Couples counseling is a non-linear and complex journey. Outcomes can vary greatly, as each couple follows their own unique path. Some couples will experience significant growth. Other couples may experience more subdued growth. Certain couples, particularly those who are uncertain about staying married, may decide to end the relationship. This process is referred to as discernment counseling. Some couples will see results quickly while other couples need more time. Relational factors that a couple brings into therapy can influence the outcome. Such factors include current or past abuse in the relationship, infidelity, or addiction. Additionally, individual factors can influence outcomes. These include childhood abuse, history of addiction, history of mental health struggles, and trauma from previous relationships.
Call us today to see if we would be a good fit for you and your relationship.
Couples seek counseling for a multitude of reasons, each having the potential to leave them feeling disconnected and isolated. Here are a few examples:
- Communication problems
- Life transitions such as having a child, career change, launching children, retirement
- Complications with pregnancy and childbirth
- Chronic physical or mental health problems
- Infidelity or other betrayals of trust
- Problems within their sexual relationship
All of the above challenges can leave a couple feeling disconnected and alone. This disconnection, when coupled with the existing stress brought on by these issues, creates even more distress for the couple.
Couples Counseling Can Help
Couples counseling, sometimes called couples therapy, helps couples resolve their disconnection. This disconnection can manifest in different ways, ranging from frequent arguments to a sense of emotional detachment between partners. The disconnection leaves couples with limited ability to solve their own problems. By resolving the disconnection, the unified couple will be equipped to face life challenges with a new-found sense of comradery. They will have the capacity to understand their own emotional experience and share their hurts and longings in a productive manner. The result is deeper levels of intimacy for both partners.
Starting Couples Counseling
Couples counseling is a collaborative process all the way through. It starts with discussing goals and expectations for the relationship and from counseling. Next, patterns of interaction leading to disconnection are discussed and highlighted. This pattern of interaction is often referred to as the negative cycle. The cycle is predictable and tends to play out in a similar manner regardless of the topic.
One way to understand the negative cycle is by examining how we cope with relational distress on an individual level. The most common cycle is a pursue-withdraw pattern. For example, John isolates when he sees that Susan is upset with him. This helps him to feel better, finding relief from his inner turmoil. Susan seeks connection when she is upset. If she sees John upset with her, she will want a rapid resolution. Now imagine both Susan and John being distraught. John will isolate, leading to more stress for Susan. She will then seek out John for resolution and subsequent connection. This further stresses John, leading him to isolate himself more. These clashing coping strategies exasperate the disconnection that leads couples into therapy.
More Intimacy in Your Relationship
As therapy progresses, you will begin to recognize and interrupt fights that occur within your relationship. You will find your own unique way as a couple to “reset” during moments of conflict. You will become comfortable talking about deeper vulnerable things. You will understand your own hurts and vulnerabilities. You will be better equipped to communicate these to your partner. You will better understand your own needs, hopes, and longings as well as better communicate them to your partner.
Results May Vary
Couples counseling is a non-linear and complex journey. Outcomes can vary greatly, as each couple follows their own unique path. Some couples will experience significant growth. Other couples may experience more subdued growth. Certain couples, particularly those who are uncertain about staying married, may decide to end the relationship. This process is referred to as discernment counseling. Some couples will see results quickly while other couples need more time. Relational factors that a couple brings into therapy can influence the outcome. Such factors include current or past abuse in the relationship, infidelity, or addiction. Additionally, individual factors can influence outcomes. These include childhood abuse, history of addiction, history of mental health struggles, and trauma from previous relationships.
Call us today to see if we would be a good fit for you and your relationship.
